While we were busy watching Judas Iscariot fidget at the Last Supper, knowing he’s about to betray Jesus for 30 silver coins any minute now, something even more dramatic has crept up on us. Not a Netflix plot twist. No. We’ve been INVADED. Again. Not by locusts. Not by the price of onions. But by Kenyans!
Yes, as we were still crying over spilt milk (after the neighbour’s dog made off with the Easter chicken like a thief in the night), our friends from the other side of the Busia border have been quietly mobilising their troops and this time, it’s full throttle!
Enter Issa Amwari and Denis Mwenda, the latest entrants into the Pearl of Africa Uganda Rally. They’re rolling into the Mbarara in a Mitsubishi Evo X, ready to shake up the leaderboard and possibly claim Mijingo Island while they’re at it.
Now don’t act surprised. Denis Mwenda the codriver is no stranger to our dusty tracks remember the 2014 Pearl Rally when he skidded through our stages in a Toyota Sprinter and claimed the 2WD class like a man stealing matooke from a monkey? Well, he’s back! And this time, he’s brought reinforcements.
Issa Amwari, on the other hand, is new to Uganda. So, please, let’s show him around: point him to the good Rolex spots, the shortcut to Lake Mburo, and gently whisper that rallying here means you either go big or get stuck in a banana plantation.
With Amwari’s arrival, the Kenyan convoy now stands at six cars deep. SIX! That’s not a rally team, that’s an invasion battalion. Word on the street is they’re gunning for positions 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6. Imagine the trauma. How will I tell my grandchildren that Kenya took all the trophies and left us with dust and regrets?
But Uganda isn’t folding its arms like a broke guy at the bar. No! We’re digging in. We’re ready to defend our land, our stages, and our remaining dignity. We will rally like never before. It’s going to be the battle of the century. Or as the elders will call it, “The Great Fight for Mijingo: Winner Takes All.”
Meanwhile, Rwanda is silently plotting too, word has it they’re sending two of their best crews. We await confirmation. If they come, then Mbarara normally the land of milk, honey, and stunning women is about to turn into the Dakar of East Africa.
